did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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