Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
