so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
no. you can't hotbox the world.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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