"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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