she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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