He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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