Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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