I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
