THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
