matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
