Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I have tasted many bathrooms
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
