just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
