That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
