I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
