he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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