i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
