what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize