Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
