you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
