So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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