I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The feeling are messing with the penis
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
