Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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