If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
