I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
