his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
