bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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