He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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