Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
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