You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
