I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
