he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
