Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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