You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize