Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm gonna fight the coyote
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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