I seem to have left my pride at pride
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
