whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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