i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize