i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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