You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
