She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
