i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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