i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
