I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
