Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
