so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
