he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
