I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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