I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
