He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
