The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Randomize
