what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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