On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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