Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
