I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
We left an ass print on the piano.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
