shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
