anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
