I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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