I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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