$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Sorry about my life...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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