I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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