he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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