I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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