Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
