I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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