I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
