it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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