At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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