You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
