im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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