if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
