I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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