you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize